Chapter One
From the stories she'd heard of the city, she'd been expecting flying cars,
warp points, and robots that could shoot laser beams from their eyes.
The robot she'd just now appropriated for her personal transportation
hardly fired any sort of laser beam. It just zoomed on forward in
whatever direction she leaned. It, the city, was all a bit of a letdown.
Of course, that wasn't to say she'd previously encountered robots, but
perhaps she still retained too much optimism. She'd need to further
train herself in realism.
Anyway, the robot she was just now borrowing. Probably no one would notice it missing. It was just
uselessly picking up trash, anyhow, right?
She had a piece of
paper in her hand, which had an address. However, she hadn't a map. She
didn't know where she was, except in the general cosmic sense of feeling
right at home wherever she might be. She sighed, and then languidly
said, "Welcome to Academy City." She replied to herself. "Glad to be
here."
Her name was Ranma Saotome. She was, succinctly, the best. At what? Everything, possibly.
She lowered the paper to where the robot had a pair of eyes-looking thingies. "Know where this is?"
The machine seemed to understand. It then jolted forward as though it was on a quest.
"Whoa!
Whoa! Slow down!" She held on for dear life. The surroundings were fast
becoming a blur. She was witness to the robot leaving a car behind. She
felt common sense had been forgotten somewhere back there, too, but she
quickly reconsidered that, as nothing had been common in her life for
quite some time. Whatever had been left behind was probably something
she didn't need.
The robot hit something. It stumbled, but Ranma was thrown into the air. 'Crap!' was her thought.
She landed on something, breaking her fall.
It took a moment to process what'd happened. It wasn't something she'd hit, but somebody.
"Uh,
sorry 'bout that," she said to the guy she was sitting on. It was a bit
of a compromising position, really. She was sitting on his chest, and
his face was near her... She quickly slapped the guy's face with both
hands, and then sat up, her face turning red. "Ah, ha, ha! Really
sorry!"
The guy was blushing (and now bruising), too, but he
rallied his senses. "Ah, no, it's okay." He sat up, and then looked at a
grocery bag he'd dropped. There was egg yolk dripping from it.
"Figures. Such bad luck." He ran his hand through his spiky hair.
Ranma
offered her hand to him to get up off the ground. However, when he
touched his right hand to hers, a shock ran up through her hand to her
shoulder. It burned like fire! She ripped her hand from his, and fell
back onto her bottom. She quickly massaged her arm, which slowly
dispersed the pain. She looked at her hand. Nothing. No burn, and no
injury. It still hurt like heck, though!
"What happened? Something wrong?" the guy asked, concerned.
"Felt like my arm was gonna explode," said Ranma.
"Huh?" the guy looked at Ranma's hand, and then his own. "It's never done that before..."
"Something special about your hand, then?"
"It nullifies powers," said the guy.
"Damn
near nullified me," said Ranma. She wondered, if his hand could nullify
powers, why didn't it reverse her curse? Maybe her curse was too
powerful? Or maybe the magic was... alive, and shocked her with the pain
to make her let go? Both were possible, she felt. She had deep
suspicions about this curse, but they could wait.
"I'm Ranma Saotome, by the way. Who are you?" she asked the dude.
"Touma Kamijou," said the guy. "Your arm okay?"
"Dunno.
I'm under a curse, and I'm thinking that's what caused this," Ranma
said, shaking her arm, trying to get the pain to lessen.
"Curse?"
"Yeah. You might not believe me, but I was born a guy," said Ranma.
"Eh..." Touma appeared a bit nonplussed, but he was mostly doubtful.
"Hey,
it's true! I know I'm a really cute and pretty girl right now, but
before I used to be a handsome hunk of a guy! So don't fall in love with
me, or you'll get your heart broken." Ranma said, without even
blushing. "I fell into some cursed pool in China, and got transformed
into this. Haven't been able to turn back, since."
"Um..." Touma
started backing away, as though he didn't believe Ranma and wanted to
get away from her, or the story was just so incredible that he had to go
share it with others. "Well, I gotta head home, now. Got homework to
take care of, and all..."
"Wai... wait!" Ranma shoved the paper with the address into Touma's face. "Know where this is?"
Touma studied the paper, and then seemed startled. "It's my dorm."
"So, you're the one I'm looking for?" asked Ranma.
"No, this room belongs to a classmate of mine," said Touma, obviously relieved.
"This
is good, then. Maybe your classmate can cure me of this stupid curse!"
Ranma grabbed Touma by his left hand, and began to run, dragging him.
"Point the way, man!" She ignored his screams. He'd just have to get
used to travelling at superhuman speeds.
"Wha... what the hell are you?" Touma asked, when they'd reached his dorm. He seemed a bit rattled by the experience.
"I'm an awesome martial artist," replied Ranma. "The best, in fact."
"I don't think being good at martial arts would explain how fast you were running," said Touma. "Are you an esper?"
"Nope.
I'm just a superhuman, I guess." Ranma shrugged. The details of her
'powers' were probably boring and unimportant. It wasn't worth worrying
about.
Touma showed Ranma to the room on the address, which he
mentioned as being residence to one Motoharu Tsuchimikado. He then
stumbled into the room next door, as though he was exhausted for
whatever reason.
Ranma knocked on Motoharu's door. She waited.
Slowly, the door opened. A maid peeked her head out. "Hello?"
"You Motoharu Tsuchimikado?"
"Nope, I'm Maika Tsuchimikado," said the maid. "You part of his family?"
"Yes, I'm his sister, for now," the maid said, happily blushing.
"Okay. He in? I got a question to ask him." Ranma then remembered to introduce herself. "Oh, I'm Ranma Saotome, by the way."
"He's
currently out, but he said something about somebody possibly showing
up." Maika appeared a bit doubtful. "I don't know if he meant you, but
there shouldn't anything wrong with giving you this." She handed Ranma a
sealed envelope. She quickly tore it open.
Ranma read the letter:
"Hi there, cursed victim! I won't be in for a while, but I can meet
with you after I'm finished with some other business. I'll take a
pre-payment of you cos-playing for my neighbour next door, as he's been a
bit down lately cause of his bad luck."
"Do you think it's for you?" asked Maika.
"Cos-playing?"
asked Ranma, her expression a bit sour. "Well, a martial artist's path
is fraught with peril. And I did promise I'd do anything to reverse this
curse."
"I wonder if this is the one my brother meant?" Maika asked, bringing out an angel costume.
"But
I won't wear that!" shouted Ranma, slapping the costume from Maika's
hands. She noticed Maika's expression of fear and surprise. "Ah, ha, ha!
Cause I'm hardly an angel, you know?"
"Oh, then there's no need
to worry," said Maika, picking up the costume to show Ranma it more
closely. "It's a fallen angel costume!"
"And what's the difference?"
"It's the love-love!" said Maika, seriously. She pulled Ranma into the room. "We'll get you changed right now!"
"Wait...!" The door slammed shut, cutting off Ranma's objection.
Ranma stood before Touma Kamijou's door. She sighed. She raised her hand to knock, and then lowered it.
Wearing
the angel was pretty embarrassing. The skirt was frilly. The pure white
colour of the blouse just didn't match her personality. And the
wings...? Bad memories, there.
Also, she had an audience. Maika
was standing nearby, watching her intently with an expression of
anticipation. She wanted to speak with the younger girl, to let her know
this wasn't some shoujo light novel, with 'muddy, sticky romance' as
she heard it explained just earlier in the room next door.
No, this was more of a screwball comedy, and Ranma's life was the main joke.
She
sighed. She again raised her hand to knock, and then paused. She looked
at Maika, whose expression seemed to be ever more anxious, as though
awaiting the beginning of something stormy and furious, and liable to
end up on the top of the Empire State Building, for some reason.
Just get it over with! She knocked. She waited. She knocked again. She waited.
"He isn't home?" she asked, incredulously, after waiting long enough.
"There he is!" shouted Maika, pointing down to the street.
Ranma looked, just in time to see Touma stepping onto a city bus. Maika grabbed Ranma's hand, and started pulling her.
"Hurry! You have to chase him!"
"Eh?"
Ranma didn't have a chance to object, as the little girl was tougher
than she seemed, possibly from the trials of maidhood.
Maika
quickly pulled her throughout the building's staircases and walkways to
ground level, and gave her a push out onto the sidewalk. "You can catch
him, Ranma!" she said, absolutely sincere in her belief of Ranma's
ability to chase down an automobile.
Ranma started running. After a
moment, grasping the thread of thought that'd been lost for the past
few moments, she wondered, why? Why was she chasing down a bus ferrying a
guy she'd just met at the urging of some maid with a brother complex?
Her cheeks reddened. She wondered a bit more. Why was she chasing down a
city bus while wearing an angel costume, while there seemed to be an
ever growing audience of onlookers? Her entire face was now red.
Argh!
For whatever reason, she couldn't even hazard a guess, now, as she was
too deep into this fiasco, she just had to catch that bus. Her pride
wouldn't allow her to abandon this challenge. But, not for the first
time, she wished she could abandon her pride.
A garbage collector robot pulled up beside her. It beeped, as though trying to get Ranma's attention.
Ranma
jumped onto the robot, and then it sped forward. She could catch the
bus, now! Except the garbage bot crashed into a fire hydrant, and Ranma
was sent flying into the air.
This is really familiar for some
reason, she felt, before crashing down to earth. She wondered how her
landing appeared to onlookers? Was it magical? She hoped not, as she
landed on a spiky haired guy who'd just stepped off the bus, and they
both fell and tumbled about in a crumpled heap.
It couldn't be
considered a miracle, though, how it was she landed on him. She
straddled his body. She gripped his arms as though holding him down. She
could just bend down, and kiss him so easily...
Instead, she
slapped the boy with both hands on each of his cheeks, and then jumped
up, and then looked about to see who was watching. It was only everyone.
"You
again?" asked Touma. The oblivious idiot! At the very least, he could
be blushing, too! Now, it'd appear to the audience she'd been
desperately chasing him, which she had been, technically, but...! Not
like that!
"Why are you dressed like that?" asked Touma. She
couldn't say, for you, cause it'd cause a misunderstanding. Cause it was
simply a series of events.
"It's just how things worked out," said Ranma. "I'm doing a favour for your neighbour."
"Tsuchimikado..." Touma sighed. "It sounds like something he'd do. So, what you gotta do?"
Ranma
tilted her head, looking at Touma. She was to cheer him up, but she
couldn't say that. She crossed her arms, and tried to think of an
excuse. She couldn't, and so tried the old trick of misdirection. "I
couldn't say. So, anyway, what are you doing right now?"
"Getting
some eggs," said Touma. He sat up, but then looked panicked. He pulled
from his pocket his bus pass, but not... "My wallet. Forgot it."
Ranma
tried to wear a genuine smile, but it was probably a bit forced. "It's
okay. You can get some more inna bit, right? Just a quick trip back
home."
"Forgot my keys," said Touma. He sighed.
"Ah, ha, ha!
Man, that's some bad luck." Ranma slapped Touma on the back. "Well,
cheer up, okay? This angel'll give you hand breaking into your place."
"No,
that's okay. I can just ask the dorm manager..." Touma found he had
forgotten his cell phone, too. He hung his head. "I don't know the phone
number."
"No problem. I'm an expert when it comes to sneaking
into places," said Ranma. "It shouldn't be a problem to get in from your
neighbour's place if you left your balcony door open."
"How come an angel's an expert at breaking into homes?" asked Touma.
"Sometimes
an angel's gotta make do the best they can in this world," replied
Ranma. "One can't get by on their looks in all things."
"If you're a guy, originally, it'd be almost impossible to tell, " said Touma.
"It's adapt, or go insane," said Ranma. "I still don't accept this fate, though, so I'm trying one last cure."
"You know, it'd almost be a waste if you become a guy again," said Touma.
"I
know, right? So many hearts will be broken. But this great Ranma must
return to the rightful destiny of becoming the heir to the Saotome
school." She wasn't blushing.
The walk to the dorm was longer than
necessary what with Ranma being stopped by twice by camera-happy otaku
who requested to take pictures.
"What kind of angel charges to have photos taken?" asked Touma, after arriving at the dorms.
"One that's been around the block," said Ranma. She'd bought herself an ice cream.
"Kami-yan, I see that you've found yourself a pretty angel," said a guy, shouting down from a few stories up.
Looking
up, Ranma saw the guy, who was wearing sunglasses and a summer
beach-style shirt. He was standing near Touma's apartment door, waving
as though completely familiar with her current partner.
His name was Motoharu Tsuchimikado. "So, Ms Saotome. What brings you to me?" he asked.
Ranma handed him a letter. "It's a referral from a doctor in Nerima. About my curse."
Motoharu
read the letter, and then as though thinking how to state the
difficult, leaned back, sighing. "Jusenkyou, eh? You're in a difficult
position. In fact, an almost impossible situation if you're serious
about returning to your true form." "You're taking her claim seriously,
Tsuchimikado?" asked Touma, who was waiting for Ranma to finish her
meeting so she could break into his dorm room.
"Of course, seeing
as I am descended from Onmyouji priests," replied Motoharu. "Besides,
it's not only me who believes her, right?"
Ranma glanced at Touma, who was studying his right hand.
"Anyway, Saotome, how far are you willing to go to reverse this curse?"
"I'm willing to do anything," said Ranma.
"Even kill? Not just one life, or two, but thousands, or even millions?"
"Tsuchimikado!"
said Touma, growling, but was stayed from further interruption by the
absolutely serious expression on Motoharu's face.
"What? No!" said Ranma.
"Jusenkyou
is a mysterious land that is of great interest to Onmyouji. It's a rare
natural magic seal, which gives the waters there its power. To break
the magic spell it casts, you'd have to destroy the entire land," said
Motoharu. "However, would the people living there allow you to destroy
their homes without a war? And even then, would all that break the curse
you're under? I don't know. That's my superficial conjecture, and I
could be entirely devastatingly wrong. The variables of an enigma are
difficult to ponder. Lifetimes would have to be spent to unravel even
the minutest of Jusenkyo's mysteries."
Ranma sat, quietly.
Eventually, without breaking into tears, she said, "I guess I'm
finished, here. Thanks. I'll open up your apartment for ya, now,
Kamijou." It took a moment, and quickly, she rejoined Touma out on the
commons balcony.
They stood on the balcony.
She was still wearing the angel costume, but she didn't feel like changing out of it. Maybe after she found a place to crash.
"So, what are you going to do now?" asked Touma. He'd invited her to stay for dinner before she left.
"Dunno. Feel like I had all the wind taken outta me."
"There's probably something out there that can change you back," said Touma.
"I
used to think that," said Ranma. "I was cursed quite a while ago. It's
been about a year, now. Tried a bunch of half-baked cures. And then
switched to completely baked ones. And now..." She sat back, trying to
relax. "I should register for school. Get in touch with my parents. Let
'em know where I am." She tried to laugh, but it sounded forced. "It's a
relief, really. So much pressure, gone now!"
Touma placed a bowl
of ramen in front of her. He didn't say anything, for which Ranma was
grateful. She ate, quietly contemplating, but her thoughts kept circling
back to, what am I gonna do?
She finished the meal, and then thanked Touma. "I should get going," she said.
"I'll walk with you," said Touma.
"It's
okay. If you're thinking about trying to protect me, you won't need
to." Ranma showed him her punch. "If anyone tries anything... I'm
actually hoping somebody does." She cracked her knuckles.
"Um, that's why I'm gonna come along. Better if nobody gets hurt by you, right?" asked Touma.
"You know, you're really sweet. You'll make a real girl happy someday, you know?" replied Ranma.
It
wasn't a crummy hotel they'd found, and Ranma could afford the price.
Ranma got Touma's cell number, and his school information, just in case
she needed a hand with anything.
"Stay safe, okay?" Touma said, as he bid Ranma a good night.
And
then, she was alone. She lied down on her bed. It would be hers for a
week. Hopefully, by the week's end, she'd be enrolled in a school, or
working, somewhere.
Touma had alluded to the placement tests being
held by most of the schools in the city, and if she ranked decently
high, she could possibly be scouted by private school's. However, he
didn't have much information on that, being a 0-ranked esper, and
enrolled in a no-qualification public school.
Che! She clicked her
tongue. What was the point of the past year? All her effort, for this
end? The lights flickered, then turned off. The power was out. She
walked to the window, seeing the city itself had shut down from a bad
thunderstorm. Maybe she'd get some sleep, then. Think about her life in
her dreams.
Maybe tomorrow would be a new day.
Jusenkyo. It was all laid out before her. Thousands of pools far as her eyes could see.
Jusenkyo. How could this be? She'd left it all behind, long ago. She couldn't have returned so quickly. This had to be a dre...
"Miss, you must leave from here. There is no use staying," said the guide to Jusenkyo. He appeared at her side.
"I
know. You already told me so many times I could throw up your words
from my ears," said Ranma, not facing the guide. "And don't call me
miss. I hate it."
"You must go. Is not safe."
"I'm just waiting on my pops."
"He says you must go. He will follow."
"I want to see him," said Ranma.
"Miss..."
"Don't... call me that!" screamed Ranma, angrily.
There
was movement from the pools. A panda was jumping from pole to pole to
Ranma and the guide's position. It landed in front of them.
"You're here!" said Ranma, relieved. "Tell this idi..."
The
panda reached a paw out to Ranma, and patted her shoulder. The panda
looked into Ranma's eyes, as though trying to impart something it could
not speak. "I don't understand. I wish you could speak," said Ranma.
The panda sighed. And then it brought its other paw up in a roundhouse punch, knocking Ranma out.
Ranma
woke with a jerk. She felt disorientated, and lost. She sat up, trying
to figure out where she was. It all came quickly flooding back.
Hotel room.
Academy City.
No cure. No past.
No future.
She took a pillow, and then screamed into it.
Chapter One End
Sunday, August 4, 2013
Saturday, April 20, 2013
Gintouhou: draft
A simple job, really. “You're in, you're out, and then you're sitting at the beach, sipping whatever the Amanto equivalent of a Margarita is, and, most importantly, you can afford to do so, for the rest of your life!”
Sounded too good to be true.
Gintoki Sakata wearily stumbled past another tree.
He clearly remembered he'd turned down taking the suspicious job, so... why was he here, lost in some forest in some land he'd never been to? And why was some little girl he'd never met before chomping down on his head, despite his repeated kindly requests for her to take a hike, preferably over the side of a cliff?
“Yer hea' i' rea''y touff!” said the girl, her mouth still full of Gintoki's cranium.
“I've been chewed on by a pro,” said Gintoki. “Your weak ass bites couldn't even make me break a sweat, much less break through my toughened up skin. But I might break wind if you keep this up.”
“I' tha' so?” The girl gave up. She spat out some permed silver hair, and then flew in front of Gintoki. “What's wrong with you humans?” she asked, annoyed. “The last two humans I tried to eat beat me up, and now you're here, and can't even be eaten!”
“You're not a human?” asked Gintoki, barely surprised.
“Maybe if I fry you first, you'll soften up?” said the girl to herself, ignoring Gintoki's question. Her hands lit up with energy, which she began to... shoot at Gintoki.
“Oi!” Gintoki dived away from those energy bullets, only to witness the girl launch into an all out attack. Thousands of the energy bullets impacted around him, destroying the landscape. Fortunately, she wasn't aiming, merely attacking, indiscriminately. He was easily able to weave his way through the bullet storm, putting a bit of distance between himself and the girl.
However, she then tried chasing Gintoki with random shots interspersed with aimed shots. He weaved best he could, dodging both bullets, and ducking under tree branches. However, he lost sight of one, and it hit him in his chest. Or rather, it passed through his chest, for whatever reason.
“Che! Miss your hitbox,” said the girl, annoyed.
Gin was shocked enough at surviving the girl's shot, that he didn't even react when she fired hundreds of more bullets at his torso. Not one touched him, though, all passing through him faster than even sour strawberry milk.
“Where is it?” she shouted, angry.
Gin smirked. So her bullets had to hit a particular spot on his body? And he didn't have that spot?
The girl, furious upon seeing Gin's expression, shot at his face, but it too passed through him. Then she aimed at his scrotum.
Her bullet just grazed one of his... golden souls.
Gin's eyes teared up.
“There it is, but it's kind of small,” said the girl.
Gin's eyes teared up even more. “It's cause it's cold,” he said, muttering.
The girl spread apart her arms, as though inviting a hug. But Gin knew, she was really preparing a big attack. He jumped away, best he could despite the dull growing pain in his groin, in preparation for all the bullets the girl was now aiming at his crotch.
He took out his wooden blade. He really wasn't up for this fight, but he had the protect the possibility of some day having children, however unlikely the prospect seemed.
Three barrages. All a bit slow, but still with very little room to manoeuvre. He did his best to avoid all the bullets, but it felt as though both his... hit boxes were grazed multiple times. With tears in his eyes, upon (mostly) avoiding the third barrage, he leapt to the flying girl, and lightly striking the back of the girl's, knocked her out.
He landed, and then crumpled forward. Just what did he win in this fight?
Author's notes: Dunno if I'll continue this. The beginning seemed a bit slow, but I slogged through it, and got something near the end. Dunno what it was, but it seems to work, for now. Just wanted to present this idea. It's nothing, yet, but it could be something, someday, if I bother with it. Then again, it might be nothing, but maybe it'll give someone else an idea to try.
Sounded too good to be true.
Gintoki Sakata wearily stumbled past another tree.
He clearly remembered he'd turned down taking the suspicious job, so... why was he here, lost in some forest in some land he'd never been to? And why was some little girl he'd never met before chomping down on his head, despite his repeated kindly requests for her to take a hike, preferably over the side of a cliff?
“Yer hea' i' rea''y touff!” said the girl, her mouth still full of Gintoki's cranium.
“I've been chewed on by a pro,” said Gintoki. “Your weak ass bites couldn't even make me break a sweat, much less break through my toughened up skin. But I might break wind if you keep this up.”
“I' tha' so?” The girl gave up. She spat out some permed silver hair, and then flew in front of Gintoki. “What's wrong with you humans?” she asked, annoyed. “The last two humans I tried to eat beat me up, and now you're here, and can't even be eaten!”
“You're not a human?” asked Gintoki, barely surprised.
“Maybe if I fry you first, you'll soften up?” said the girl to herself, ignoring Gintoki's question. Her hands lit up with energy, which she began to... shoot at Gintoki.
“Oi!” Gintoki dived away from those energy bullets, only to witness the girl launch into an all out attack. Thousands of the energy bullets impacted around him, destroying the landscape. Fortunately, she wasn't aiming, merely attacking, indiscriminately. He was easily able to weave his way through the bullet storm, putting a bit of distance between himself and the girl.
However, she then tried chasing Gintoki with random shots interspersed with aimed shots. He weaved best he could, dodging both bullets, and ducking under tree branches. However, he lost sight of one, and it hit him in his chest. Or rather, it passed through his chest, for whatever reason.
“Che! Miss your hitbox,” said the girl, annoyed.
Gin was shocked enough at surviving the girl's shot, that he didn't even react when she fired hundreds of more bullets at his torso. Not one touched him, though, all passing through him faster than even sour strawberry milk.
“Where is it?” she shouted, angry.
Gin smirked. So her bullets had to hit a particular spot on his body? And he didn't have that spot?
The girl, furious upon seeing Gin's expression, shot at his face, but it too passed through him. Then she aimed at his scrotum.
Her bullet just grazed one of his... golden souls.
Gin's eyes teared up.
“There it is, but it's kind of small,” said the girl.
Gin's eyes teared up even more. “It's cause it's cold,” he said, muttering.
The girl spread apart her arms, as though inviting a hug. But Gin knew, she was really preparing a big attack. He jumped away, best he could despite the dull growing pain in his groin, in preparation for all the bullets the girl was now aiming at his crotch.
He took out his wooden blade. He really wasn't up for this fight, but he had the protect the possibility of some day having children, however unlikely the prospect seemed.
Three barrages. All a bit slow, but still with very little room to manoeuvre. He did his best to avoid all the bullets, but it felt as though both his... hit boxes were grazed multiple times. With tears in his eyes, upon (mostly) avoiding the third barrage, he leapt to the flying girl, and lightly striking the back of the girl's, knocked her out.
He landed, and then crumpled forward. Just what did he win in this fight?
Author's notes: Dunno if I'll continue this. The beginning seemed a bit slow, but I slogged through it, and got something near the end. Dunno what it was, but it seems to work, for now. Just wanted to present this idea. It's nothing, yet, but it could be something, someday, if I bother with it. Then again, it might be nothing, but maybe it'll give someone else an idea to try.
Friday, February 15, 2013
Sailor Uniform Showdown: 1
Sailor Uniform Showdown
Written by somemadao
Baka and Test is the creation and property of Kenji Inoue.
"We have a student council?" I asked our class rep, Yuuji Sakamoto, but he ignored me.
"Yesterday afternoon, at the Student Council general meeting, a concerned student from Class 2-D put forth a motion, which I'll read out loud right now for you all to hear." Yuuji removed from his jacket pocket a slip of paper. He read from it, "Please have Aki-cha... I mean, Akihisa Yoshiii-kun from Class 2-F wear the sailor uniform, and perhaps besides that, a variety of different girls clothing, instead of the boys uniform."
"Eh!" I sat up, surprised and alarmed by the motion Yuuji just read aloud to the class. It had to be Class 2-D's Miki Tamano's motion.
"All the class representatives voted on it, and it was passed by thirty-five votes, with one abstention."
"You're joking, right?" I said, trying to sound confident how I knew this was just a prank. Yeah, Yuuji would enjoy my consternation at this sort of predicament.
"It is hardly a joke, 'Aki-chan'," replied Yuuji, with an evil glint in his eyes.
Oh, this had to be payback for something I did. Or just as likely, for something Yuuji imagines I did.
"Incidentally, I wasn't the one who abstained from voting. In fact, I seconded the motion," said Yuuji.
I glared at Yuuji, but my expression only delighted him.
"Also, the one who abstained wanted to change their vote, because they'd heard it wrong."
"To a 'no', right?" I asked, hoping for this stranger's sympathy.
"To a 'yes', actually," said Yuuji.
"Damn you, Yuuji!" I shouted, ready to run at my mortal enemy.
"Hold on a second, Akihisa. Don't forget, as this concerns a single student rather than the whole student body, Student Council has little authority whether this motion is enforceable."
I sat, feeling relieved. But Yuuji wasn't finished, yet.
"Therefore, Council asked me to put the vote before Class 2-F."
I lunged at Yuuji, but was brought down by my classmates! Traitors! The whole lot of you!
"Before the meeting adjourned, there was an amendment made to have Hideyoshi Kinoshita follow the same rule."
"Uwe!" That had to be Hideyoshi, as no one in this class besides Mizuki Himeji had a voice that cute.
While I struggled under a mass of my classmates, I also imagined Hideyoshi in a skirt. My strength nearly gave out due to blood loss from my nose, but fortunately, my classmates must've imagined the same as I was able to overpower them, and push them off me.
"Sakamoto, we can't just force Akihisa to wear the girl's uniform," said Mizuki, her voice stern.
My savior, my angel? She would save me from this crisis.
Mizuki said, "It must be put to a vote, first!"
As though on cue, I was dogpiled upon, once again. And I knew, this time, I would not be able to escape the clutches of my miserable classmates. But still I had to show struggle! I would not dare to give up on my masculinity!
Yuuji read out the motion, "Does Class 2-F support the motion of having Akihisa Yoshiii and Hideyoshi Kinoshita wear the girl's uniform, and girls clothing while at school, rather than the boy's uniform?"
"Yuuji!" said Mizuki, angrily.
My sweet, beautiful angel...
"It needs to be seconded, first!" she said.
"Ah, right," said Yuuji. "Does anyone second the motion?"
Mizuki raised her arm. "I do."
"No!" I screamed, with blood spurting from my throat.
"Mizuki!" said Hideyoshi.
"Forgive me, Hideyoshi, but I just want to see Akihisa in cute girls clothing."
Yuuji brought forth the motion to a vote.
The answer, from the wastrel, hopeless, and above all else girl-deprived boys of Class 2-F was a thundering, "Yes!"
I walked down the hallway. Actually, it was closer to a stagger than a walk. Perhaps, it was really a series of falling forward, looking for a patch of floor I could collapse on.
"Aki-cha... Yoshii-kun!" said a girl from behind me.
I knew the voice. She was a strange girl, who liked me... to wear girl clothes. Her name, Miki Tamano, and she was a student of Class 2-D.
"Ah?" I said.
"I heard the great news! You'll be wearing the sailor uniform!"
"Ah?"
"It's so wonderful! I can't believe it, but you just have so many admirers who want to see you as I do!" She grabbed my unresisting hand, and pulled me into an empty classroom. Inside was Mizuki, who was holding in her hands a girl uniform.
Aside, in a corner, was standing Hideyoshi in a different sailor uniform. He was shell shocked, staring at nothing. Inwardly, I cheered, as this was a dream I have had for as long as I've known Hideyoshi, but my glee receded. I slowly remembered it was my turn approaching.
I looked at the uniform, and then at Mizuki, who swallowed, nervously.
I looked at Miki, who was staring at me, wearing a strange smile that was somewhere between pride and admiration.
I looked at the uniform, and then turned away, and tried to start running.
However, Miki grabbed my shirt, and tore it off, sending buttons flying! I fell to the floor, and was pinned down. That girl's strength! What was she...?
"Aki-chan, you'll be the school's idol, for sure!" Miki said, panting. "You're just so cute that I can't tell if you're really a guy or a girl, anymore!"
"I'm a guy, for sure!" I cried out, tears in my eyes. "And... and lemme dress myself, please!" The tears wouldn't stop flowing. Something was being taken from me, but what it was, I couldn't understand.
"Yoshii-kun... I mean, Akiko-chan!"
"Not that name, please!" I shouted. "You got it right the first time. Why'd you have to change it?" Just how bad did this girl want me to be a girl? I looked to Mizuki for support! Maybe she'd see reason if she witnessed firsthand my desperation. "Please, Mizuki?"
"I... I can't..." Mizuki said, turning away.
My hopes rose. Perhaps I could remain a man, now?
"You're just too cute, Akihisa!" she said, tears happily flowing from her eyes.
"I'm the one who wants to cry!"
Miki grabbed my pants, and tore them off in a single motion. In a different life, perhaps I would've been happy to have a girl be so forceful with me, but this was instead a tragedy! Thankfully, I had on a clean pair of boxers.
"We need to do something about these," said Miki, pinching at the boxers.
No! My last castle! I would defend it to the death (preferably Yuuji's death, if at all possible). I grabbed onto them, with every intention of dying if need be to hold onto them.
"They're so uncute, but then again, Akiko-chan with boxers under the skirt. People would think it's so boyish and cute just how hard Akiko-chan wants to be a man!"
"That's cause I am a guy! Stop trying to change my gender!"
"Sporty panties might suit him," said Minami Shimada, from behind me. She was another classmate of mine from Class 2-F.
I turned to look at her, and upon seeing her, and her seeing me seeing her, she gave me a thumbs up. "Isn't this exciting?" she asked.
"No!" I said, adamantly. "And no panties could ever suit me." On this issue, I would be firm. I would not give in.
Miki pulled from her bag a set of sporty panties. She proffered them to me, but I pushed them away.
"Aki," said Minami. "Take them, and go put them on. Also, I'll be doing irregular skirt flips on you to see if you're wearing them, from now on."
Blood started falling from the ceiling.
I looked up, seeing another of my classmates, Kouta 'Mutsurini' Tsuchiya, clinging to the ceiling, stealthily like a ninja. Blood was pouring from his nose.
"Oi, Mutsurini. Get down from there, and stop taking perverted pictures of me!" I said, annoyed.
"I haven't taken a single perverted picture," said Mutsurini.
"I said pictures. Plural." I then shouted, "And how could you get a nosebleed over the thought of my skirt getting flipped?"
Mutsurini again lied, saying, "I didn't get excited at the thought of your skirt getting flipped." His nose started pouring out even more blood.
"Mutsurini, not on the clothing!" said Minami, glaring at the ninja voyeur, whose dripping was nearing the clothes.
I chose this moment to try escaping. However, someone had grabbed me by the boxers, and I fell over.
"Do not leave without me, Akihisa!" screamed Hideyoshi, who'd been the one to knock me over. I looked at my comrade, and saw tears welling in his eyes. It was so enchanting... But remember! He's a guy! I had to remind myself of that, again.
I grabbed his hands, and said, looking deep into my friend's eyes "I'll escape with you, Hideyoshi." I quickly stood, picked him up, and began to carry him, running from the classroom.
"Ah! Let me down, Akihisa!" Hideyoshi began to struggle in my arms. "I am not a girl, and I am not enjoying being carried like a princess!" Whether he was shouting this at me, or himself, I couldn't guess.
"Just a little longer," I said, gently. Our captors had quickly transformed into pursuers, and were a mere half a step behind me.
"Akihisa, there is a a barricade ahead!" Hideyoshi, shouted, gesturing to a pile of desks blocking off the hallway beyond.
Crap! Someone had guessed I'd try escaping. It could only be... "Yuuji!" I said, growling.
I was tackled from behind, dragged down to my knees, and then someone put a wet cloth over my mouth...
I quickly lost my senses.
"Aki-chan," someone said. This same person was gently poking my face. "If you don't wake up, I'll kiss you..."
It wasn't a warning, but a promise. I knew the only one to try waking me with a kiss as my elder sister, Akira.
I covered my mouth with both hands, and felt something warm and moist press against the back of my hands. Her lips...
"Gewai!" I screamed, through my fingers, in utter fear and disgust.
"Che. He's awake," I heard my sister exclaim.
I opened my eyes, looking right at my sister, whose face was expressing complete disappointment, and was right near my own.
"Rise and shine, Aki-chan," Akira said, happily, the disappointment disappearing in an instant.
I continued covering my mouth, and discreetly tried to back further away from Akira. Unfortunately, the bed I was lying on stopped my retreat.
"Your classmates brought you home after you'd fainted in school," said Akira.
My thoughts went over the last few moments of when I was at school. Perhaps it'd all been a dream?
"And they made sure to tell me the wonderful decision your class made regarding your gender," said Akira, happily.
I was sure I was paling. I could feel blood draining from my face. Was it already coagulating?
An instant later, I could see myself from above, with Akira bending over me. This made sense though, as my life was over. I then began to ascend to heaven.
However, Akira's hand shot out, and grabbed my spirit by its tail, and then she grabbed my ghostly head, and stuffed me back into my body through my mouth.
"Ugh," I said. I quickly covered my mouth as it felt as though I was going to throw up my soul.
"Aki-chan, while you might not like this decision, I am fully supportive of it." Akira stepped back, giving me space to sit up. "Day and night, I've been fretting some perverted and malicious girl would appear to steal you away from me, and then force you to commit humiliating and obscene acts that aren't fit for proper fiction. But now, with this new development, I can fully rest assured that you're only in danger of a strange boy picking you up and doing all those things to you."
"And how's that any better!" I shouted, standing up, getting off my bed. "And the only pervert I worry about doing something to me is you!"
"Aki-chan, you should know we're alone together in your bedroom..." Akira stopped speaking, allowing my imagination to to describe what she was insinuating. "Anyway, I've replaced your entire wardrobe with girls clothing, as well as uploaded hundreds of pictures of you sleeping in your new pajamas."
I looked at what I was wearing. Cute! Is what a girl's reaction might be! But these, on me! Pink hearts? On yellow fabric? And what was she saying about uploading my pictures...? To where?
"Your online journal already has a few thousands followers, and it's only been a few hours since I set it up! That's about sixteen new readers a minute, Aki-chan!"
My sister showed me the screen on her WhyPad. I looked at the website displayed. Indeed, there were photos of me in my new jammies (in various states of undress). There were also pictures of me in new school uniform (while unconscious). Plus, there were archives of me from a previous summer trip to the beach, as well as from my school's recent festival.
I vomited blood in my mouth, but swallowed it upon seeing something else that needed to be yelled about: "Photo books for sale!"
"Of course," said Akira, as though it were natural. "I had to negotiate with your creeper peeper friend for the master copies and photo negatives for his unauthorized editions of his photo books of you, but he saw reason, eventually."
Mutsurini...! I cried out, inwardly, but then again, he voted for me to have to dress as a girl, so it was a tempered sympathy I felt for him.
"Anyway, you're well on your way to becoming a top net idol, Aki-chan!" said Akira. "Listen to this review. 'Akiko-chan might not have the glamor of Hideyoshi Kinoshita, but to us average guys, Aki-chan is the seemingly more attainable idol!'"
"No! I don't want to be attainable!"
"And unlike Hideyoshi, Aki-chan, girls don't feel threatened by you," said Akira. "You're receiving the most amount of votes for most likely to be best friend for life, online."
Be... best friend... for life...! My knees gave out on me, and so I collapsed to the floor. Did that mean no matter how hard I tried, I could never be more than friends with a girl?
"I won't accept this!" I shouted, pathetically.
Akira took my hands, and placed something in them. Yen. Paper. Some with five zeros.
"Akira?" I looked at her, my eyes asking questions that my mouth seemed unable to do.
"This is part of your share from the profits from the photo books of you." Akira closed my hands. "You can keep it. And there's so much more, too."
"With this much I could..." Images of me sitting in front of giant flat screen television with a controller in each hand filled my head. However, each of these images was of me in a dress, each cuter than the last. "No...!" I couldn't do it, not even for a million yen.
"With the proper guidance, you could even earn tens of millions of yen, Aki-chan!"
Not... not even for ten million yen...!
"Or even hundreds of millions."
Not... even... how much now? Too many zeros.
I once had a dream where I overdosed on video games. It was so wonderful...
But the one I was having right now starred me, wearing a pretty green dress.
"No!"
My sister quickly put me into a sleeper choke hold. After a second, I began to tap her on the arm to let her know I'd given in, but she continued to hold on.
"Shush, sweet Aki-chan. Let Sister take care of everything for you."
My last thought before darkness overtook me was, 'I'll never give up! I'll get my manhood back, even if it's the last act in my life.'
Tbc.
Written by somemadao
Baka and Test is the creation and property of Kenji Inoue.
"We have a student council?" I asked our class rep, Yuuji Sakamoto, but he ignored me.
"Yesterday afternoon, at the Student Council general meeting, a concerned student from Class 2-D put forth a motion, which I'll read out loud right now for you all to hear." Yuuji removed from his jacket pocket a slip of paper. He read from it, "Please have Aki-cha... I mean, Akihisa Yoshiii-kun from Class 2-F wear the sailor uniform, and perhaps besides that, a variety of different girls clothing, instead of the boys uniform."
"Eh!" I sat up, surprised and alarmed by the motion Yuuji just read aloud to the class. It had to be Class 2-D's Miki Tamano's motion.
"All the class representatives voted on it, and it was passed by thirty-five votes, with one abstention."
"You're joking, right?" I said, trying to sound confident how I knew this was just a prank. Yeah, Yuuji would enjoy my consternation at this sort of predicament.
"It is hardly a joke, 'Aki-chan'," replied Yuuji, with an evil glint in his eyes.
Oh, this had to be payback for something I did. Or just as likely, for something Yuuji imagines I did.
"Incidentally, I wasn't the one who abstained from voting. In fact, I seconded the motion," said Yuuji.
I glared at Yuuji, but my expression only delighted him.
"Also, the one who abstained wanted to change their vote, because they'd heard it wrong."
"To a 'no', right?" I asked, hoping for this stranger's sympathy.
"To a 'yes', actually," said Yuuji.
"Damn you, Yuuji!" I shouted, ready to run at my mortal enemy.
"Hold on a second, Akihisa. Don't forget, as this concerns a single student rather than the whole student body, Student Council has little authority whether this motion is enforceable."
I sat, feeling relieved. But Yuuji wasn't finished, yet.
"Therefore, Council asked me to put the vote before Class 2-F."
I lunged at Yuuji, but was brought down by my classmates! Traitors! The whole lot of you!
"Before the meeting adjourned, there was an amendment made to have Hideyoshi Kinoshita follow the same rule."
"Uwe!" That had to be Hideyoshi, as no one in this class besides Mizuki Himeji had a voice that cute.
While I struggled under a mass of my classmates, I also imagined Hideyoshi in a skirt. My strength nearly gave out due to blood loss from my nose, but fortunately, my classmates must've imagined the same as I was able to overpower them, and push them off me.
"Sakamoto, we can't just force Akihisa to wear the girl's uniform," said Mizuki, her voice stern.
My savior, my angel? She would save me from this crisis.
Mizuki said, "It must be put to a vote, first!"
As though on cue, I was dogpiled upon, once again. And I knew, this time, I would not be able to escape the clutches of my miserable classmates. But still I had to show struggle! I would not dare to give up on my masculinity!
Yuuji read out the motion, "Does Class 2-F support the motion of having Akihisa Yoshiii and Hideyoshi Kinoshita wear the girl's uniform, and girls clothing while at school, rather than the boy's uniform?"
"Yuuji!" said Mizuki, angrily.
My sweet, beautiful angel...
"It needs to be seconded, first!" she said.
"Ah, right," said Yuuji. "Does anyone second the motion?"
Mizuki raised her arm. "I do."
"No!" I screamed, with blood spurting from my throat.
"Mizuki!" said Hideyoshi.
"Forgive me, Hideyoshi, but I just want to see Akihisa in cute girls clothing."
Yuuji brought forth the motion to a vote.
The answer, from the wastrel, hopeless, and above all else girl-deprived boys of Class 2-F was a thundering, "Yes!"
I walked down the hallway. Actually, it was closer to a stagger than a walk. Perhaps, it was really a series of falling forward, looking for a patch of floor I could collapse on.
"Aki-cha... Yoshii-kun!" said a girl from behind me.
I knew the voice. She was a strange girl, who liked me... to wear girl clothes. Her name, Miki Tamano, and she was a student of Class 2-D.
"Ah?" I said.
"I heard the great news! You'll be wearing the sailor uniform!"
"Ah?"
"It's so wonderful! I can't believe it, but you just have so many admirers who want to see you as I do!" She grabbed my unresisting hand, and pulled me into an empty classroom. Inside was Mizuki, who was holding in her hands a girl uniform.
Aside, in a corner, was standing Hideyoshi in a different sailor uniform. He was shell shocked, staring at nothing. Inwardly, I cheered, as this was a dream I have had for as long as I've known Hideyoshi, but my glee receded. I slowly remembered it was my turn approaching.
I looked at the uniform, and then at Mizuki, who swallowed, nervously.
I looked at Miki, who was staring at me, wearing a strange smile that was somewhere between pride and admiration.
I looked at the uniform, and then turned away, and tried to start running.
However, Miki grabbed my shirt, and tore it off, sending buttons flying! I fell to the floor, and was pinned down. That girl's strength! What was she...?
"Aki-chan, you'll be the school's idol, for sure!" Miki said, panting. "You're just so cute that I can't tell if you're really a guy or a girl, anymore!"
"I'm a guy, for sure!" I cried out, tears in my eyes. "And... and lemme dress myself, please!" The tears wouldn't stop flowing. Something was being taken from me, but what it was, I couldn't understand.
"Yoshii-kun... I mean, Akiko-chan!"
"Not that name, please!" I shouted. "You got it right the first time. Why'd you have to change it?" Just how bad did this girl want me to be a girl? I looked to Mizuki for support! Maybe she'd see reason if she witnessed firsthand my desperation. "Please, Mizuki?"
"I... I can't..." Mizuki said, turning away.
My hopes rose. Perhaps I could remain a man, now?
"You're just too cute, Akihisa!" she said, tears happily flowing from her eyes.
"I'm the one who wants to cry!"
Miki grabbed my pants, and tore them off in a single motion. In a different life, perhaps I would've been happy to have a girl be so forceful with me, but this was instead a tragedy! Thankfully, I had on a clean pair of boxers.
"We need to do something about these," said Miki, pinching at the boxers.
No! My last castle! I would defend it to the death (preferably Yuuji's death, if at all possible). I grabbed onto them, with every intention of dying if need be to hold onto them.
"They're so uncute, but then again, Akiko-chan with boxers under the skirt. People would think it's so boyish and cute just how hard Akiko-chan wants to be a man!"
"That's cause I am a guy! Stop trying to change my gender!"
"Sporty panties might suit him," said Minami Shimada, from behind me. She was another classmate of mine from Class 2-F.
I turned to look at her, and upon seeing her, and her seeing me seeing her, she gave me a thumbs up. "Isn't this exciting?" she asked.
"No!" I said, adamantly. "And no panties could ever suit me." On this issue, I would be firm. I would not give in.
Miki pulled from her bag a set of sporty panties. She proffered them to me, but I pushed them away.
"Aki," said Minami. "Take them, and go put them on. Also, I'll be doing irregular skirt flips on you to see if you're wearing them, from now on."
Blood started falling from the ceiling.
I looked up, seeing another of my classmates, Kouta 'Mutsurini' Tsuchiya, clinging to the ceiling, stealthily like a ninja. Blood was pouring from his nose.
"Oi, Mutsurini. Get down from there, and stop taking perverted pictures of me!" I said, annoyed.
"I haven't taken a single perverted picture," said Mutsurini.
"I said pictures. Plural." I then shouted, "And how could you get a nosebleed over the thought of my skirt getting flipped?"
Mutsurini again lied, saying, "I didn't get excited at the thought of your skirt getting flipped." His nose started pouring out even more blood.
"Mutsurini, not on the clothing!" said Minami, glaring at the ninja voyeur, whose dripping was nearing the clothes.
I chose this moment to try escaping. However, someone had grabbed me by the boxers, and I fell over.
"Do not leave without me, Akihisa!" screamed Hideyoshi, who'd been the one to knock me over. I looked at my comrade, and saw tears welling in his eyes. It was so enchanting... But remember! He's a guy! I had to remind myself of that, again.
I grabbed his hands, and said, looking deep into my friend's eyes "I'll escape with you, Hideyoshi." I quickly stood, picked him up, and began to carry him, running from the classroom.
"Ah! Let me down, Akihisa!" Hideyoshi began to struggle in my arms. "I am not a girl, and I am not enjoying being carried like a princess!" Whether he was shouting this at me, or himself, I couldn't guess.
"Just a little longer," I said, gently. Our captors had quickly transformed into pursuers, and were a mere half a step behind me.
"Akihisa, there is a a barricade ahead!" Hideyoshi, shouted, gesturing to a pile of desks blocking off the hallway beyond.
Crap! Someone had guessed I'd try escaping. It could only be... "Yuuji!" I said, growling.
I was tackled from behind, dragged down to my knees, and then someone put a wet cloth over my mouth...
I quickly lost my senses.
"Aki-chan," someone said. This same person was gently poking my face. "If you don't wake up, I'll kiss you..."
It wasn't a warning, but a promise. I knew the only one to try waking me with a kiss as my elder sister, Akira.
I covered my mouth with both hands, and felt something warm and moist press against the back of my hands. Her lips...
"Gewai!" I screamed, through my fingers, in utter fear and disgust.
"Che. He's awake," I heard my sister exclaim.
I opened my eyes, looking right at my sister, whose face was expressing complete disappointment, and was right near my own.
"Rise and shine, Aki-chan," Akira said, happily, the disappointment disappearing in an instant.
I continued covering my mouth, and discreetly tried to back further away from Akira. Unfortunately, the bed I was lying on stopped my retreat.
"Your classmates brought you home after you'd fainted in school," said Akira.
My thoughts went over the last few moments of when I was at school. Perhaps it'd all been a dream?
"And they made sure to tell me the wonderful decision your class made regarding your gender," said Akira, happily.
I was sure I was paling. I could feel blood draining from my face. Was it already coagulating?
An instant later, I could see myself from above, with Akira bending over me. This made sense though, as my life was over. I then began to ascend to heaven.
However, Akira's hand shot out, and grabbed my spirit by its tail, and then she grabbed my ghostly head, and stuffed me back into my body through my mouth.
"Ugh," I said. I quickly covered my mouth as it felt as though I was going to throw up my soul.
"Aki-chan, while you might not like this decision, I am fully supportive of it." Akira stepped back, giving me space to sit up. "Day and night, I've been fretting some perverted and malicious girl would appear to steal you away from me, and then force you to commit humiliating and obscene acts that aren't fit for proper fiction. But now, with this new development, I can fully rest assured that you're only in danger of a strange boy picking you up and doing all those things to you."
"And how's that any better!" I shouted, standing up, getting off my bed. "And the only pervert I worry about doing something to me is you!"
"Aki-chan, you should know we're alone together in your bedroom..." Akira stopped speaking, allowing my imagination to to describe what she was insinuating. "Anyway, I've replaced your entire wardrobe with girls clothing, as well as uploaded hundreds of pictures of you sleeping in your new pajamas."
I looked at what I was wearing. Cute! Is what a girl's reaction might be! But these, on me! Pink hearts? On yellow fabric? And what was she saying about uploading my pictures...? To where?
"Your online journal already has a few thousands followers, and it's only been a few hours since I set it up! That's about sixteen new readers a minute, Aki-chan!"
My sister showed me the screen on her WhyPad. I looked at the website displayed. Indeed, there were photos of me in my new jammies (in various states of undress). There were also pictures of me in new school uniform (while unconscious). Plus, there were archives of me from a previous summer trip to the beach, as well as from my school's recent festival.
I vomited blood in my mouth, but swallowed it upon seeing something else that needed to be yelled about: "Photo books for sale!"
"Of course," said Akira, as though it were natural. "I had to negotiate with your creeper peeper friend for the master copies and photo negatives for his unauthorized editions of his photo books of you, but he saw reason, eventually."
Mutsurini...! I cried out, inwardly, but then again, he voted for me to have to dress as a girl, so it was a tempered sympathy I felt for him.
"Anyway, you're well on your way to becoming a top net idol, Aki-chan!" said Akira. "Listen to this review. 'Akiko-chan might not have the glamor of Hideyoshi Kinoshita, but to us average guys, Aki-chan is the seemingly more attainable idol!'"
"No! I don't want to be attainable!"
"And unlike Hideyoshi, Aki-chan, girls don't feel threatened by you," said Akira. "You're receiving the most amount of votes for most likely to be best friend for life, online."
Be... best friend... for life...! My knees gave out on me, and so I collapsed to the floor. Did that mean no matter how hard I tried, I could never be more than friends with a girl?
"I won't accept this!" I shouted, pathetically.
Akira took my hands, and placed something in them. Yen. Paper. Some with five zeros.
"Akira?" I looked at her, my eyes asking questions that my mouth seemed unable to do.
"This is part of your share from the profits from the photo books of you." Akira closed my hands. "You can keep it. And there's so much more, too."
"With this much I could..." Images of me sitting in front of giant flat screen television with a controller in each hand filled my head. However, each of these images was of me in a dress, each cuter than the last. "No...!" I couldn't do it, not even for a million yen.
"With the proper guidance, you could even earn tens of millions of yen, Aki-chan!"
Not... not even for ten million yen...!
"Or even hundreds of millions."
Not... even... how much now? Too many zeros.
I once had a dream where I overdosed on video games. It was so wonderful...
But the one I was having right now starred me, wearing a pretty green dress.
"No!"
My sister quickly put me into a sleeper choke hold. After a second, I began to tap her on the arm to let her know I'd given in, but she continued to hold on.
"Shush, sweet Aki-chan. Let Sister take care of everything for you."
My last thought before darkness overtook me was, 'I'll never give up! I'll get my manhood back, even if it's the last act in my life.'
Tbc.
Balls of Fire: 2
Balls of Fire
A fanfic by some madao
Gintama is the creation and property of Hideaki Sorachi
Lo, the madao, as it seeks not sustenance, nor subsistence, but instead pursues a greater calling, which is to be found in deep search through both waste and malapropos.
"Oi, are we doing this, again?" said Gintoki, pointedly trying to ignore the opening passage.
"Gin, the author was cheered up by some nice reviews, and decided to try writing the fanfic, again, so please don't say too much, or you might discourage him, again," said Shinpachi.
"What fanfic?" asked Gintoki. "What the hell kind of opening is the author is trying to create? What's with all the wasted wordage? Lo? Who the hells says 'lo'? Seriously, why did he bother using all those seemingly complicated words, when all he's describing is dumpster diving?"
"Gin."
"Maybe he found his fic openings in those garbage bins, and thought how it'd be such a waste to let them go to the landfill?"
"Gin. Maybe you should stop... Last time, the author wept onto his keyboard cause of us, and ruined the → key," said Shinpachi. "I really don't want to witness a grown man weep, again. It's just too... pathetic." Not waiting for Gin to respond, Shin turned to Kagura, who was sitting at the Yoruzuya Gin-chan office coffee table, looking over a number of notes. "Kagura-chan, what do you have there?"
"I have those reviews you were talking about-aru," said Kagura. "I guess the premise of this fic is thank our nice reviewers for their kind words, or something."
"Kagura-chan, you didn't have to add, 'or something'. We're just going to thank our reviewers, and that'll be that, okay?"
Kagura picked up a review, and read it aloud, "I love this. And you." She then sagely said, "He'll totally get the wrong idea from that review-aru. Probably, he'll think she propositioned him, and he'll start being a stalker from now on."
Gin took the review from Kagura, and shook his head, "No, he'll get the wrong idea, but because he's a madao, he'll think the reviewer is actually one of those fake brides from an amanto marriage site, and be suspicious."
"You guys, try not to be rude. It'd be a disaster if we ended up upsetting our readers." Shinpachi hurriedly started gathering up the reviews, hoping to put them away, before his partners read aloud another one.
However, Shinpachi was too slow. Kagura already had a review in her hands, and read it out for all to hear, "HAHA! Lol. Poor Shinpachi. I can imagine the paper tissues in his room though! Great fanfic btw!"
"There's no tissues!" screamed Shinpachi, angrily tearing the review from Kagura's hands. He put it with the others, filing them away in a cabinet, shutting it closed. "You two, are you trying to upset our readers? What would happen if we did that, and ended up getting hounded to the far reaches of the internet cause we made the wrong people angry?"
"So, are we done, yet?" asked Gin. "I'm fairly busy right now, so I'd like it if we could wrap all this up..." He lied down on his couch, as though ready to sleep.
"We're supposed to begin the actual storyline this chapter," said Shinpachi. "We're only 500 or so words into the story, Gin-san."
"Che! Why don't we get to it already, then?"
"Cause of you, Gin-san. You're the main character, and you're here, instead of in your spot," replied Shinpachi.
"I don't really want to work, now," said Gin. "Tell the author I'm sick or something."
"Um, Gin. Technically, the author is omniscient, so he'll know if you're really sick or not."
"But he's also a madao, so he'll accept any excuse. Just tell him anything, okay?" Gin rolled over, his back facing Shinpachi, as though that was the end of the conversation.
Kagura stood up, faced the sky, and shouted, "Hey, writer! Gin-chan can't work today! His anal fissure is acting up-aru! He worked too hard on the toilet this morning, so he's all pooped out!"
Gin was off the couch in an instant, slapping the top of Kagura's head. "Oi! What the hell kind of excuse was that!?"
"It's just that the only place you work hard is on the throne-aru," said Kagura. "This excuse will be the most believable."
"Author, don't listen to her! She was just saying that, cause of youthful exuberance! I'm getting to my position, right now, okay?" Gin's voice was a bit desperate. "Everything's okay, in the end, alright?"
"Gin-san, we just wasted 200 words talking about your rear end. The author wanted to devote half of this chapter toward thanking the readers, and then move into an actual storyline." Shinpachi sighed. "The author's probably in a panic, right now, since we ended up instead messing up our thanks for the kind reviews, and then spent the rest of the chapter apologizing for the first half. At the rate we're going, the author will have to spend the next chapter just apologizing for the first two chapters."
"I can imagine-aru," said Kagura. "Every sentence will be, 'I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry."
"But, if I'm in position, and ready to go, everything will be fine, right?" asked Gintoki. "No chapter focused on my rear end?"
"You're really sensitive about any story regarding your ass?" asked Shinpachi.
"Of course! This if F*nfiction dot net ! How many stories are there about me going together with some mayo-chain-smoking moron? Having an anal fissure will just add to all that!"
"I don't even want to imagine how that's even possible," said Shinpachi. "In fact, you're the one who brought it up. I don't even think anyone was thinking about that until you said it."
Gintoki appeared to be in shock, as though he realized the full extent of what Shinpachi said to be true. However, he said, after a moment's thought, "Shin-kun, I don't think you realize how rabid a great many of these writers on this site are! They'll take anything, and twist it to suit their dark twisted fantasies."
"Even if you really don't have an injury to your bottom?" asked Shinpachi.
"Shin-kun, you don't realize the full extent to which these people will go! My, and a wrecked bottom? They'll add... big swords, and no V*seline." Gin shuddered.
"But, it'll all be consensual in their stories, right?"
Gin shook Shinpachi. "That's not the main issue, here!"
Shinpachi shrugged off Gin's hands from his shoulders. "Gin-san, I think it's a bit silly how childish you're acting. I know about these stories, and about ones with me and you, too. And about others with others. I know about them, but... I've accepted it all, cause it's all consensual. There's thousands of types of love for thousands of people. Who are we to interfere?"
Gintoki collapsed to the floor.
"Now, get ready for the next chapter, Gin-san. Me and Kagura-chan have our own positions to get to before everything starts." Shinpachi and Kagura walked out of the office.
Gintoki sat on his knees for a few minutes, and then stood. He looked up to the office ceiling, sighed, and then walked to his desk chair, sitting down. He swivelled to so he could look out of his office window, and then said, "Guess it's time to start."
The end
A fanfic by some madao
Gintama is the creation and property of Hideaki Sorachi
Lo, the madao, as it seeks not sustenance, nor subsistence, but instead pursues a greater calling, which is to be found in deep search through both waste and malapropos.
"Oi, are we doing this, again?" said Gintoki, pointedly trying to ignore the opening passage.
"Gin, the author was cheered up by some nice reviews, and decided to try writing the fanfic, again, so please don't say too much, or you might discourage him, again," said Shinpachi.
"What fanfic?" asked Gintoki. "What the hell kind of opening is the author is trying to create? What's with all the wasted wordage? Lo? Who the hells says 'lo'? Seriously, why did he bother using all those seemingly complicated words, when all he's describing is dumpster diving?"
"Gin."
"Maybe he found his fic openings in those garbage bins, and thought how it'd be such a waste to let them go to the landfill?"
"Gin. Maybe you should stop... Last time, the author wept onto his keyboard cause of us, and ruined the → key," said Shinpachi. "I really don't want to witness a grown man weep, again. It's just too... pathetic." Not waiting for Gin to respond, Shin turned to Kagura, who was sitting at the Yoruzuya Gin-chan office coffee table, looking over a number of notes. "Kagura-chan, what do you have there?"
"I have those reviews you were talking about-aru," said Kagura. "I guess the premise of this fic is thank our nice reviewers for their kind words, or something."
"Kagura-chan, you didn't have to add, 'or something'. We're just going to thank our reviewers, and that'll be that, okay?"
Kagura picked up a review, and read it aloud, "I love this. And you." She then sagely said, "He'll totally get the wrong idea from that review-aru. Probably, he'll think she propositioned him, and he'll start being a stalker from now on."
Gin took the review from Kagura, and shook his head, "No, he'll get the wrong idea, but because he's a madao, he'll think the reviewer is actually one of those fake brides from an amanto marriage site, and be suspicious."
"You guys, try not to be rude. It'd be a disaster if we ended up upsetting our readers." Shinpachi hurriedly started gathering up the reviews, hoping to put them away, before his partners read aloud another one.
However, Shinpachi was too slow. Kagura already had a review in her hands, and read it out for all to hear, "HAHA! Lol. Poor Shinpachi. I can imagine the paper tissues in his room though! Great fanfic btw!"
"There's no tissues!" screamed Shinpachi, angrily tearing the review from Kagura's hands. He put it with the others, filing them away in a cabinet, shutting it closed. "You two, are you trying to upset our readers? What would happen if we did that, and ended up getting hounded to the far reaches of the internet cause we made the wrong people angry?"
"So, are we done, yet?" asked Gin. "I'm fairly busy right now, so I'd like it if we could wrap all this up..." He lied down on his couch, as though ready to sleep.
"We're supposed to begin the actual storyline this chapter," said Shinpachi. "We're only 500 or so words into the story, Gin-san."
"Che! Why don't we get to it already, then?"
"Cause of you, Gin-san. You're the main character, and you're here, instead of in your spot," replied Shinpachi.
"I don't really want to work, now," said Gin. "Tell the author I'm sick or something."
"Um, Gin. Technically, the author is omniscient, so he'll know if you're really sick or not."
"But he's also a madao, so he'll accept any excuse. Just tell him anything, okay?" Gin rolled over, his back facing Shinpachi, as though that was the end of the conversation.
Kagura stood up, faced the sky, and shouted, "Hey, writer! Gin-chan can't work today! His anal fissure is acting up-aru! He worked too hard on the toilet this morning, so he's all pooped out!"
Gin was off the couch in an instant, slapping the top of Kagura's head. "Oi! What the hell kind of excuse was that!?"
"It's just that the only place you work hard is on the throne-aru," said Kagura. "This excuse will be the most believable."
"Author, don't listen to her! She was just saying that, cause of youthful exuberance! I'm getting to my position, right now, okay?" Gin's voice was a bit desperate. "Everything's okay, in the end, alright?"
"Gin-san, we just wasted 200 words talking about your rear end. The author wanted to devote half of this chapter toward thanking the readers, and then move into an actual storyline." Shinpachi sighed. "The author's probably in a panic, right now, since we ended up instead messing up our thanks for the kind reviews, and then spent the rest of the chapter apologizing for the first half. At the rate we're going, the author will have to spend the next chapter just apologizing for the first two chapters."
"I can imagine-aru," said Kagura. "Every sentence will be, 'I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry."
"But, if I'm in position, and ready to go, everything will be fine, right?" asked Gintoki. "No chapter focused on my rear end?"
"You're really sensitive about any story regarding your ass?" asked Shinpachi.
"Of course! This if F*nfiction dot net ! How many stories are there about me going together with some mayo-chain-smoking moron? Having an anal fissure will just add to all that!"
"I don't even want to imagine how that's even possible," said Shinpachi. "In fact, you're the one who brought it up. I don't even think anyone was thinking about that until you said it."
Gintoki appeared to be in shock, as though he realized the full extent of what Shinpachi said to be true. However, he said, after a moment's thought, "Shin-kun, I don't think you realize how rabid a great many of these writers on this site are! They'll take anything, and twist it to suit their dark twisted fantasies."
"Even if you really don't have an injury to your bottom?" asked Shinpachi.
"Shin-kun, you don't realize the full extent to which these people will go! My, and a wrecked bottom? They'll add... big swords, and no V*seline." Gin shuddered.
"But, it'll all be consensual in their stories, right?"
Gin shook Shinpachi. "That's not the main issue, here!"
Shinpachi shrugged off Gin's hands from his shoulders. "Gin-san, I think it's a bit silly how childish you're acting. I know about these stories, and about ones with me and you, too. And about others with others. I know about them, but... I've accepted it all, cause it's all consensual. There's thousands of types of love for thousands of people. Who are we to interfere?"
Gintoki collapsed to the floor.
"Now, get ready for the next chapter, Gin-san. Me and Kagura-chan have our own positions to get to before everything starts." Shinpachi and Kagura walked out of the office.
Gintoki sat on his knees for a few minutes, and then stood. He looked up to the office ceiling, sighed, and then walked to his desk chair, sitting down. He swivelled to so he could look out of his office window, and then said, "Guess it's time to start."
The end
Balls of Fire: 1
Balls of Fire
A fanfic by some madao
Gintama is the creation and property of Hideaki Sorachi
It is posited there exists in the universe the manzai horizon. It is a boundary, apparently, that separates the tsukkomi from the boke, but this is really all theoretical. Think not too deeply upon whether this boundary is in existence, for in your contemplation, you place yourself at risk to the danger of a harisen smacking the top of your head.
"Oi, what is this narration?" asked Gintoki Sakata, slightly annoyed, and quite lazily.
"Eh? What narration are you talking about?" asked Shinpachi Shimura, to his boss, Gin.
"The words at the beginning of this fanfiction?" said Gintoki, pointing up.
"Uh, what are you pointing at, exactly?" asked Shinpachi. He then whispered to Gintoki, "You do realize this is written, rather than drawn, so the reader can't actually see you point?"
"Stuff that. If the writer has any talent, then the reader can see me pointing," replied Gintoki. "It's all about description. For instance, right now, the reader can see me picking my nose, and flicking my booger at your face, Shinpachi."
Shinpachi took out his handkerchief, and wiped his face clean of nose nugget, and then placed his handkerchief back into his pocket. He then proceeded to lunge at Gintoki, his hands apart just the width of a man's neck. However, his hands could not reach Gintoki's neck, as the older man had countered Shinpachi's attack by grabbing the boy, and holding him in a headlock.
"The reader can see so much if the writer has any talent at description. If not, then the reader has to be told what the hell is happening." Gintoki released Shinpachi from his hold, after the boy stopped struggling. He then asked, "Anyway, tell me what the hell is up with that damn opening!"
"Uh, it's... um. I don't know, but I'm sure the author has some reason for having written it."
"My guess is, he wrote it cause he couldn't think of a decent opening for a decent story. It was something he pulled from his ass, cause he thought it sounded respectable."
"And you could do better?" asked Shinpachi.
"Easily." Gintoki pointed to the reader, and said, "Let's begin, again!"
Call me Gintoki. Some years ago – never mind how long precisely -
"Oi!" Shinpachi shouted. "That's plagiarism!"
"It isn't plagiarism, Pachi! It's the epic tale of how Captain Turtle and I hunted a space sperm whale..."
"That's totally plagiarism! There's not even an original idea in that description!"
"Maybe you're too academic for fanfiction, Pachi. Perhaps I should bring in an expert. Oi! Kagura. It's time for your entrance into the fanfiction."
"Enough. We can never rebuild the fourth wall."
"Ossu! Kagura entered-aru, but from where, and how so, is not known. She could've been standing nearby, or more than likely sitting on the couch watching TV, but it is more exciting to think that she came from a different dimension."
"You don't have to write your own entrance, Kagura-chan. That's the author's job..."
"No! I can't leave it up to him! He's just some madao! Probably he'll put us all in embarrassing situations that we'd really never ever do-aru! Said Kagura-chan as she did an amazing pose, with a serious expression on her face."
"You're just sitting on the couch, watching TV, Kagura. Don't try to deceive the reader," said Shinpachi. "Besides, what sort of situations would the author place us in that you'd object to? Considering that so many of us have been shown on the toilet, throwing up, naked, beaten, arrested, transformed, and humiliated, I can't think of anything you could be worried about."
"I'd hate to be written as a sl*t, falling in love with any old sadist that comes along. Said Kagura, as she chews on sukonbu, her eyes glazed over from that condition called TV eyes-aru."
"You've gone from trying to deceive the reader to being too honest, probably," said Shinpachi. "Anyway, you don't have to worry, the author of this fanfic is a guy, so I don't think you have to worry about pairings."
"He could try to write us into a crossover, though. Said Kagura-sama. Wouldn't you hate to be a pony? Or a G*nd*m?"
"We've already been crossed over with G*nd*m."
"Wouldn't you hate to be crossed over with The L*rd of the Fl**s? Asked Kagura, annoyed, as she she couldn't find a decent show to watch, flipping through the channels, one after another-aru. I bet you'd make a great P*gg**, Pachie!"
"No, Kagura-chan, Shinpachi would already have a role in the crossover. He'd be P*gg**s glasses," said Gintoki, who sat beside Kagura, and snatched away the remote.
"No way! P*gg**s glasses are important in the story! Shinpachi doesn't get any important roles in the crossover. He can be a Þ, instead!"
"Why the hell would I wanna be an obsolete letter? I'd never appear in the story that way! And why are we talking about some crossover that isn't even being written?"
"Þ might be too important, too Kagura-chan. Use the small case þ instead, cause it'd have even less impact."
"Oi, you two are trying to write me out of a fanfiction that doesn't even exist. It's pissing me off."
"Give me an example-aru. Said Kagura to the wavy haired, and brain waves, man."
"For example, let's begin the story. 'Þe story of þe man who saved þe world."
"I can't even tell the difference, anyway. Said Kagura. Why's the smaller case þ bigger than the upper case Þ?"
"I don't know. Maybe it's what they call 'over-compensation'?" asked Gintoki. "And look, it's time for the weather report. Time to end this fanfic."
"Don't try to end this fanfic for your own convenience, Gin-san," said Shinpachi, sternly.
The End
"Oi! Even the author wants to end the story?" shouted Shinpachi, annoyed.
"It's probably not a case of wanting to end it, it's just that he probably can't think of what to write next." Gintoki yawned, and then kicked Kagura off his couch so he could lie down to watch TV.
"The original notes said this was supposed to be an epic-aru. But then Gin-chan derailed it with his question up above. Said Kagura, as she pointed to the second paragraph of the fanfiction."
"I already said to stop pointing in this fanfic. Is the reader really able to see you pointing to specific sections of text?"
"The reader can see so much, it's embarrassing. I bet the reader can even see images in their mind when I say, 'Shinpachi's room is littered with rolled up used tissues from late night personal sessions. For what are the tissues?'"
"Now you're just pissing me off! Quit suggesting lewdness to the reader. The author was trying to keep the fic at General readership level, but now, we might have to become Teen, or even Mature!"
"The author can just improvise," said Gintoki.
"How so? What's written, and has been published is forever. Especially on the internet."
"The author can improvise, like this!"
The end
"Oi! Huh? Really? That's seriously it?"
"Give it a rest, Pachi. You won't become a man this fic. You'll have to make do with naughty magazines and your hand for now," said Gintoki.
"Shut it! And author, seriously! End this fic, now!"
The end
A fanfic by some madao
Gintama is the creation and property of Hideaki Sorachi
It is posited there exists in the universe the manzai horizon. It is a boundary, apparently, that separates the tsukkomi from the boke, but this is really all theoretical. Think not too deeply upon whether this boundary is in existence, for in your contemplation, you place yourself at risk to the danger of a harisen smacking the top of your head.
"Oi, what is this narration?" asked Gintoki Sakata, slightly annoyed, and quite lazily.
"Eh? What narration are you talking about?" asked Shinpachi Shimura, to his boss, Gin.
"The words at the beginning of this fanfiction?" said Gintoki, pointing up.
"Uh, what are you pointing at, exactly?" asked Shinpachi. He then whispered to Gintoki, "You do realize this is written, rather than drawn, so the reader can't actually see you point?"
"Stuff that. If the writer has any talent, then the reader can see me pointing," replied Gintoki. "It's all about description. For instance, right now, the reader can see me picking my nose, and flicking my booger at your face, Shinpachi."
Shinpachi took out his handkerchief, and wiped his face clean of nose nugget, and then placed his handkerchief back into his pocket. He then proceeded to lunge at Gintoki, his hands apart just the width of a man's neck. However, his hands could not reach Gintoki's neck, as the older man had countered Shinpachi's attack by grabbing the boy, and holding him in a headlock.
"The reader can see so much if the writer has any talent at description. If not, then the reader has to be told what the hell is happening." Gintoki released Shinpachi from his hold, after the boy stopped struggling. He then asked, "Anyway, tell me what the hell is up with that damn opening!"
"Uh, it's... um. I don't know, but I'm sure the author has some reason for having written it."
"My guess is, he wrote it cause he couldn't think of a decent opening for a decent story. It was something he pulled from his ass, cause he thought it sounded respectable."
"And you could do better?" asked Shinpachi.
"Easily." Gintoki pointed to the reader, and said, "Let's begin, again!"
Call me Gintoki. Some years ago – never mind how long precisely -
"Oi!" Shinpachi shouted. "That's plagiarism!"
"It isn't plagiarism, Pachi! It's the epic tale of how Captain Turtle and I hunted a space sperm whale..."
"That's totally plagiarism! There's not even an original idea in that description!"
"Maybe you're too academic for fanfiction, Pachi. Perhaps I should bring in an expert. Oi! Kagura. It's time for your entrance into the fanfiction."
"Enough. We can never rebuild the fourth wall."
"Ossu! Kagura entered-aru, but from where, and how so, is not known. She could've been standing nearby, or more than likely sitting on the couch watching TV, but it is more exciting to think that she came from a different dimension."
"You don't have to write your own entrance, Kagura-chan. That's the author's job..."
"No! I can't leave it up to him! He's just some madao! Probably he'll put us all in embarrassing situations that we'd really never ever do-aru! Said Kagura-chan as she did an amazing pose, with a serious expression on her face."
"You're just sitting on the couch, watching TV, Kagura. Don't try to deceive the reader," said Shinpachi. "Besides, what sort of situations would the author place us in that you'd object to? Considering that so many of us have been shown on the toilet, throwing up, naked, beaten, arrested, transformed, and humiliated, I can't think of anything you could be worried about."
"I'd hate to be written as a sl*t, falling in love with any old sadist that comes along. Said Kagura, as she chews on sukonbu, her eyes glazed over from that condition called TV eyes-aru."
"You've gone from trying to deceive the reader to being too honest, probably," said Shinpachi. "Anyway, you don't have to worry, the author of this fanfic is a guy, so I don't think you have to worry about pairings."
"He could try to write us into a crossover, though. Said Kagura-sama. Wouldn't you hate to be a pony? Or a G*nd*m?"
"We've already been crossed over with G*nd*m."
"Wouldn't you hate to be crossed over with The L*rd of the Fl**s? Asked Kagura, annoyed, as she she couldn't find a decent show to watch, flipping through the channels, one after another-aru. I bet you'd make a great P*gg**, Pachie!"
"No, Kagura-chan, Shinpachi would already have a role in the crossover. He'd be P*gg**s glasses," said Gintoki, who sat beside Kagura, and snatched away the remote.
"No way! P*gg**s glasses are important in the story! Shinpachi doesn't get any important roles in the crossover. He can be a Þ, instead!"
"Why the hell would I wanna be an obsolete letter? I'd never appear in the story that way! And why are we talking about some crossover that isn't even being written?"
"Þ might be too important, too Kagura-chan. Use the small case þ instead, cause it'd have even less impact."
"Oi, you two are trying to write me out of a fanfiction that doesn't even exist. It's pissing me off."
"Give me an example-aru. Said Kagura to the wavy haired, and brain waves, man."
"For example, let's begin the story. 'Þe story of þe man who saved þe world."
"I can't even tell the difference, anyway. Said Kagura. Why's the smaller case þ bigger than the upper case Þ?"
"I don't know. Maybe it's what they call 'over-compensation'?" asked Gintoki. "And look, it's time for the weather report. Time to end this fanfic."
"Don't try to end this fanfic for your own convenience, Gin-san," said Shinpachi, sternly.
The End
"Oi! Even the author wants to end the story?" shouted Shinpachi, annoyed.
"It's probably not a case of wanting to end it, it's just that he probably can't think of what to write next." Gintoki yawned, and then kicked Kagura off his couch so he could lie down to watch TV.
"The original notes said this was supposed to be an epic-aru. But then Gin-chan derailed it with his question up above. Said Kagura, as she pointed to the second paragraph of the fanfiction."
"I already said to stop pointing in this fanfic. Is the reader really able to see you pointing to specific sections of text?"
"The reader can see so much, it's embarrassing. I bet the reader can even see images in their mind when I say, 'Shinpachi's room is littered with rolled up used tissues from late night personal sessions. For what are the tissues?'"
"Now you're just pissing me off! Quit suggesting lewdness to the reader. The author was trying to keep the fic at General readership level, but now, we might have to become Teen, or even Mature!"
"The author can just improvise," said Gintoki.
"How so? What's written, and has been published is forever. Especially on the internet."
"The author can improvise, like this!"
The end
"Oi! Huh? Really? That's seriously it?"
"Give it a rest, Pachi. You won't become a man this fic. You'll have to make do with naughty magazines and your hand for now," said Gintoki.
"Shut it! And author, seriously! End this fic, now!"
The end
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