Balls of Fire: 2

Balls of Fire
A fanfic by some madao
Gintama is the creation and property of Hideaki Sorachi

---

Lo, the madao, as it seeks not sustenance, nor subsistence, but instead pursues a greater calling, which is to be found in deep search through both waste and malapropos.
"Oi, are we doing this, again?" said Gintoki, pointedly trying to ignore the opening passage.
"Gin, the author was cheered up by some nice reviews, and decided to try writing the fanfic, again, so please don't say too much, or you might discourage him, again," said Shinpachi.
"What fanfic?" asked Gintoki. "What the hell kind of opening is the author is trying to create? What's with all the wasted wordage? Lo? Who the hells says 'lo'? Seriously, why did he bother using all those seemingly complicated words, when all he's describing is dumpster diving?"
"Gin."
"Maybe he found his fic openings in those garbage bins, and thought how it'd be such a waste to let them go to the landfill?"
"Gin. Maybe you should stop... Last time, the author wept onto his keyboard cause of us, and ruined the → key," said Shinpachi. "I really don't want to witness a grown man weep, again. It's just too... pathetic." Not waiting for Gin to respond, Shin turned to Kagura, who was sitting at the Yoruzuya Gin-chan office coffee table, looking over a number of notes. "Kagura-chan, what do you have there?"
"I have those reviews you were talking about-aru," said Kagura. "I guess the premise of this fic is thank our nice reviewers for their kind words, or something."
"Kagura-chan, you didn't have to add, 'or something'. We're just going to thank our reviewers, and that'll be that, okay?"
Kagura picked up a review, and read it aloud, "I love this. And you." She then sagely said, "He'll totally get the wrong idea from that review-aru. Probably, he'll think she propositioned him, and he'll start being a stalker from now on."
Gin took the review from Kagura, and shook his head, "No, he'll get the wrong idea, but because he's a madao, he'll think the reviewer is actually one of those fake brides from an amanto marriage site, and be suspicious."
"You guys, try not to be rude. It'd be a disaster if we ended up upsetting our readers." Shinpachi hurriedly started gathering up the reviews, hoping to put them away, before his partners read aloud another one.
However, Shinpachi was too slow. Kagura already had a review in her hands, and read it out for all to hear, "HAHA! Lol. Poor Shinpachi. I can imagine the paper tissues in his room though! Great fanfic btw!"
"There's no tissues!" screamed Shinpachi, angrily tearing the review from Kagura's hands. He put it with the others, filing them away in a cabinet, shutting it closed. "You two, are you trying to upset our readers? What would happen if we did that, and ended up getting hounded to the far reaches of the internet cause we made the wrong people angry?"
"So, are we done, yet?" asked Gin. "I'm fairly busy right now, so I'd like it if we could wrap all this up..." He lied down on his couch, as though ready to sleep.
"We're supposed to begin the actual storyline this chapter," said Shinpachi. "We're only 500 or so words into the story, Gin-san."
"Che! Why don't we get to it already, then?"
"Cause of you, Gin-san. You're the main character, and you're here, instead of in your spot," replied Shinpachi.
"I don't really want to work, now," said Gin. "Tell the author I'm sick or something."
"Um, Gin. Technically, the author is omniscient, so he'll know if you're really sick or not."
"But he's also a madao, so he'll accept any excuse. Just tell him anything, okay?" Gin rolled over, his back facing Shinpachi, as though that was the end of the conversation.
Kagura stood up, faced the sky, and shouted, "Hey, writer! Gin-chan can't work today! His anal fissure is acting up-aru! He worked too hard on the toilet this morning, so he's all pooped out!"
Gin was off the couch in an instant, slapping the top of Kagura's head. "Oi! What the hell kind of excuse was that!?"
"It's just that the only place you work hard is on the throne-aru," said Kagura. "This excuse will be the most believable."
"Author, don't listen to her! She was just saying that, cause of youthful exuberance! I'm getting to my position, right now, okay?" Gin's voice was a bit desperate. "Everything's okay, in the end, alright?"
"Gin-san, we just wasted 200 words talking about your rear end. The author wanted to devote half of this chapter toward thanking the readers, and then move into an actual storyline." Shinpachi sighed. "The author's probably in a panic, right now, since we ended up instead messing up our thanks for the kind reviews, and then spent the rest of the chapter apologizing for the first half. At the rate we're going, the author will have to spend the next chapter just apologizing for the first two chapters."
"I can imagine-aru," said Kagura. "Every sentence will be, 'I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry."
"But, if I'm in position, and ready to go, everything will be fine, right?" asked Gintoki. "No chapter focused on my rear end?"
"You're really sensitive about any story regarding your ass?" asked Shinpachi.
"Of course! This if F*nfiction dot net ! How many stories are there about me going together with some mayo-chain-smoking moron? Having an anal fissure will just add to all that!"
"I don't even want to imagine how that's even possible," said Shinpachi. "In fact, you're the one who brought it up. I don't even think anyone was thinking about that until you said it."
Gintoki appeared to be in shock, as though he realized the full extent of what Shinpachi said to be true. However, he said, after a moment's thought, "Shin-kun, I don't think you realize how rabid a great many of these writers on this site are! They'll take anything, and twist it to suit their dark twisted fantasies."
"Even if you really don't have an injury to your bottom?" asked Shinpachi.
"Shin-kun, you don't realize the full extent to which these people will go! My, and a wrecked bottom? They'll add... big swords, and no V*seline." Gin shuddered.
"But, it'll all be consensual in their stories, right?"
Gin shook Shinpachi. "That's not the main issue, here!"
Shinpachi shrugged off Gin's hands from his shoulders. "Gin-san, I think it's a bit silly how childish you're acting. I know about these stories, and about ones with me and you, too. And about others with others. I know about them, but... I've accepted it all, cause it's all consensual. There's thousands of types of love for thousands of people. Who are we to interfere?"
Gintoki collapsed to the floor.
"Now, get ready for the next chapter, Gin-san. Me and Kagura-chan have our own positions to get to before everything starts." Shinpachi and Kagura walked out of the office.
Gintoki sat on his knees for a few minutes, and then stood. He looked up to the office ceiling, sighed, and then walked to his desk chair, sitting down. He swivelled to so he could look out of his office window, and then said, "Guess it's time to start."
The end